


a very milly halloween

by raumdeuter



Series: a very milly series [1]
Category: Football RPF
Genre: Boring James Milner, Extra Treat, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-02
Updated: 2015-11-02
Packaged: 2018-04-29 13:26:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5129276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raumdeuter/pseuds/raumdeuter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Joe looks surprised to see me standing on his doorstep, which is odd because I texted Joe saying I was coming over exactly four minutes ago.</p><p>Joe looks at me and says James, what are you doing here.</p><p>I say I texted you saying I was coming over exactly four minutes ago.</p><p>Joe says Oh.</p>
            </blockquote>





	a very milly halloween

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Imkerin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imkerin/gifts).



Joe looks surprised to see me standing on his doorstep, which is odd because I texted Joe saying I was coming over exactly four minutes ago.

Joe looks at me and says James, what are you doing here.

I say I texted you saying I was coming over exactly four minutes ago.

Joe says Oh.

He stands there for a little while looking at me. Joe does that sometimes, he will stand there and look at me and not say anything at all. It is so funny.

Joe says I'm sorry, I still don't know why you're here.

I say It's because it's Halloween.

Joe says What does Halloween have to do with it?

I say If I had stayed at home I would have had to sit there with the lights out pretending I wasn't home for the trick-or-treaters.

Joe says Do you figure I don't have trick-or-treaters over too?

I say I hadn't thought about that.

Joe says No, I bet you hadn't, James. 

I say Can I come in anyway, Joe and he says Ok.

Joe's place is really nice. He uses Ronseal Dark Oak Floor Varnish on his floorboards which is a lot better than Wickes. They tell you that it's the same thing but it isn't at all, because Ronseal is made by Ronseal and Wickes is made by Wickes. I take off my shoes so Joe doesn't have to revarnish his floorboards, because he says he doesn't like to do it very often. Personally I think there is no better thing to do on a Saturday night than revarnish my floorboards but I suppose there is no accounting for taste.

Joe says Can I get you something to drink, mate.

I say Yes, thanks, have you got any water.

Joe says Of course.

He brings me a glass of water and he gets a beer for himself and we sit down together in his living room. I notice he has a big bowl of candy on his coffee table which I suppose is for the trick-or-treaters. I do feel a bit silly about coming here but I would feel even sillier if I left now.

Joe opens his mouth as if he is going to say something and then he stops and looks at me.

I say You don’t need to worry about me, Joe, I brought a book to read while I wait.

Joe says Did you really.

I say Yes and I show it to him. It is the owner’s manual to my new tumble dryer. It is not really new anymore as I bought it in August but I have been so busy lately that I haven’t had time to run it more than once a fortnight.

Joe says I thought you of all people would have read that already.

I say Of course I have, but it was so exciting the first time that I thought I might like to read it again.

Joe says Oh.

He smiles a little. I smile back. Then I open the owner’s manual to the table of contents and I read while Joe drinks his beer.

After about ten minutes the doorbell rings but I hardly even hear it because I am so interested in my reading. Joe gets up and takes the bowl of candy out to the front door. There is some screaming because I suppose hardly anyone knew before that Joe Hart lives here, but now they do. After a while he comes back with the bowl of candy and sits back down on the couch. I see that most of the Mars Bars are gone. It is funny because I thought the Yorkies would have gone first but they are still there at the bottom of the bowl.

Joe says Would you like one?

I say No, thanks. I tell him about the Mars Bars and he says I don’t know, I’ve always liked Double Deckers.

I say Do you really?

He says Yes.

I say That’s nice, Joe.

Ten minutes later the same thing happens again, only there is more screaming and it is louder. Suddenly I remember that Top British Plumbing Disasters is on tonight and for a moment I am a bit worried that I haven’t set my Sky+ to record it, but then I remember that I have. I go back to reading my manual and after a while Joe comes back.

He says Sorry about that, James, I guess the word got out.

I say It’s all right, Joe.

He says Maybe I should’ve done what you did and turned off all the lights and pretended I wasn’t at home.

I say Well now I’m not pretending I’m not at home, because I’m here instead.

Joe laughs a little. He says That’s true. Then he looks at me again, as if he wants to say something but can’t figure out what it is. Maybe he wants me to recommend him a floorboard varnish.

Instead he says James, do you miss Manchester?

I say Yes, of course, because the water doesn’t taste the same in Liverpool. 

Joe says Really?

I say You might think it would because the public water source comes from similar sandstone aquifers, but it doesn’t.

I go back to reading my manual but Joe keeps looking at me. I say I have a very interesting book about sandstone aquifers if you would like me to bring it next time I come to visit.

Joe says Are you?

I say Am I what?

Joe says Going to come visit Manchester again.

I say Yes, probably, because I don’t often get the chance to see you, unless we are called up for England together.

Joe says I’d like that, James. I’d like that very much.

I say So would I, but don’t count on me varnishing your floorboards for you.

The doorbell rings but Joe doesn’t get up. Instead he keeps on looking at me but he doesn’t look particularly bothered. That’s funny because I thought maybe he would be upset that I’m not going to varnish his floorboards for him, but he isn’t.

The doorbell rings again. I say Are you not going to get that, Joe?

Joe reaches over and turns down the lights. He puts his hand on my knee.

He says No, I’d rather pretend I’m not at home.

He smiles at me. He has a very nice smile. It is even nicer than a new tumble dryer. I think maybe I would varnish Joe's floorboards for him after all, if he asked. 

I say Ok.

**Author's Note:**

> context is here: https://twitter.com/BoringMilner


End file.
